


Ready

by ALittleTristessa



Category: Heartstopper (Webcomic), Osemanverse, Solitaire - Alice Oseman
Genre: Anal Sex, Anxiety, Awkward, Banter, Cute, Emotional Sex, Established Relationship, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Long-Term Relationship(s), Loss of Virginity, M/M, Mental Illness, Oral Sex, Slice of Life, Some angst, Sweet, Teen Romance, implied/referenced eating disorder, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:34:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23526214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ALittleTristessa/pseuds/ALittleTristessa
Summary: Just a little cute (mostly fluffy, a little bit angsty and a bit sexy) imagining of how their first time might be, pointing out the awkward and uncertain nature of this moment in a young person's life, as well as showing that love and trust is the most important thing.I tried not to be too graphic, focusing mainly on the emotional aspect of their first time together and trying to stay true to character. It is written in 3rd perspective following Charlie.Edit May 5th, 2020: I have done some editing and added a scene, expanding on the walk they take :)
Relationships: Nicholas "Nick" Nelson/Charles "Charlie" Spring
Comments: 23
Kudos: 270





	Ready

Charlie looked at himself in the entrance hall mirror for a good five minutes after putting his shoes on trying to make up his mind, wondering whether his shirt was too dressy or if he had flattened his hair too much. He dragged his fingers through the dark, curly locks one more time, grimacing as he notices every other possible imperfection he could obsess over.  
“Stop obsessing,” a voice behind him said as if reading his mind. Somehow his big sister Tori had appeared out of thin air by his shoulder.  
“Shut up.” He smoothed his hair down again.  
“Weren’t you supposed to leave like, twenty minutes ago?” She asked.  
Charlie didn’t answer, just stepped back and evaluated his shirt choice again. He had chosen his favourite dressy, green plaid shirt, the pattern keeping it casual whilst the cut and fabric made it more fancy looking.  
“are you alright? What’s going on?” Tori’s voice was suddenly tender, apprehensive as she noticed his anxious mood not picking up her joking tone. She put a hand on his upper arm as if to comfort him pre-emptively. She had been like this with him ever since his whole ordeal some months back. He appreciated her caring but didn’t like being reminded of that time every time he showed any sign of upset or frustration, no matter how small. He knotted his brows in a frown and wanted to defend his ability and right to be upset in a normal way, too.  
“I’m fine,” he said, shaking her off. “Just nervous, I suppose.”  
“Why would you be nervous? You’re just going over at Nick’s.” She frowned back, then raised an eyebrow as she caught the slight blush flashing across his cheeks.  
His cheeks burnt red as he realised he should not have said that.  
“Yeah, er…” he muttered, trying to think of how to get himself out of this one. She will figure out what he was about to do, and he could not let that happen - he would be mortified for life.  
“We’re gonna be baking together.” He quickly exclaimed. That was a lie, but he internally gave himself a pat on the back for quickly finding an excuse that will get her to lay off the follow-up questions.  
“Ah,” she said knowingly, filling in the gaps in his explanation by herself, “I’m sure you’ll be fine, Charlie. Nick’s with you.”  
“Yeah.” He sighed.  
“But why the fuss over your hair and clothes?” She probed further after all.  
He rolled his eyes at her in the mirror, “I suppose I just want to look good for him. Can you leave me?”  
“Thought you were supposed to leave.” She crossed her arms in front of her and smiled cheekily back at him.  
“I am!” He huffed and gave himself one more look over in the mirror followed by a glare to his sister’s reflection, forgot to grab a coat, and headed for the door.  
Outside in the fresh, chilly spring air he took a deep breath, shaking out some of the stress as he exhaled with a “fuckin’ hell” under his breath, glad to escape Tori’s nosey questions and investigating eyes. He knew that if he had not come up with the food related excuse she would have gotten the real reason for his nervousness in a matter of seconds had he let her think for longer.  
He didn’t really mind her knowing such details of his life; they were fairly close after all, but he would rather tell her in retrospect. The thought of her sitting at home knowing what he would be up to later would have ruined it completely.  
He did wish he wasn’t this stressed out, though, not really understanding why he felt like this. He was a generally nervous and anxious fellow, but what he had planned was something he had been looking forward to for a long time.  
And he trusted Nick.  
And he loved Nick.  
Truth is, even with love and trust and want, losing your virginity was still kind of scary, and having it be a planned event added an extra level of awkwardness and anticipation.

The twelve-minute walk to Nick’s went by without much registration of the surroundings, too caught up in his own thoughts. He thought back to when they had planned this evening and felt himself blush with the memory of how his assumed bravado when it came to him and Nick’s sexual relationship had made him breach the subject ten days ago. It hadn’t been out of the blue – they had been together for over a year now after all and had already gotten up to things they wouldn’t like to tell their parents about, to put it that way. In all honestly he felt it had been quite organic, timeline-wise, for them. But still, having to have the conversation could still be awkward. But, he would never trade it for the world - being with someone he felt that comfortable with to be able to have such conversations in the first place, making sure both parties were on the same page. They had been good like that all along since the very beginning. Since the first time they had gotten a bit steamy in a hotel room during a school trip to Paris and Nick, amazing, cute, kind, wonderful Nick with his blunt honesty said he wanted to take things slow. Charlie of course agreed, feeling the same way himself at the time even though it had been easy to forget when caught up in the moment, caught up in Nick’s arms and lips.  
Since that conversation they had taken it slow, step by step. Innocent make-out sessions gradually became hands under each other’s t-shirts-make-out sessions, which gradually turned into one grinding against the other’s thigh-make-out sessions, which gradually became more and more breathless and saucy with the occasional intimate touching and squeezing above the clothing-make-out sessions. Sometimes the above-clothing touching would maybe be more of a just-beneath-the-outer-layer-of-clothing touching. He had even wanked Nick off on occasion. Nick had not reciprocated the act yet though, but not for lack of him trying - Charlie has been too self-conscious about his scrawny body to let him for a long time. He had put on some weight now though, and he was better. He felt better.  
They had taken it slow, and they had gotten to know each other, Charlie thought as he smiled to himself, passing houses on his way. They had learned to trust and be comfortable with each other. Still, he felt a slight embarrassment thinking back on how he ultimately just announced to Nick he was ready, like a typical horny teenager.

“I want to…” He had whispered all out of breath during one of their heavier make-out sessions on Charlie’s bed one afternoon when they were supposed to be revising for Nick’s exams.  
“What?” Nick had replied in between leaving kisses on Charlie’s throat and chest - it really was one of their steamier sessions.  
“I…” He had stuttered before a sharp intake of breath cut him off as Nick pushed his thigh, situated between Charlie’s legs, into him.  
“I’m…” He tried again in a breathy voice, glancing at Nick who had his face buried in the crook of his neck and was moving his hand across Charlie’s chest, his t-shirt pushed all the way up under his armpits exposing most of his upper body.  
Nick lifted himself off Charlie slightly to hover above him and look him in the eyes, his own eyes half-closed, a crooked smile on his slightly swollen lips, “sorry, spit it out, love.”  
Charlie loved it when Nick called him pet names and it was obvious; he pulled his lower lip in between his teeth, biting down as his hands found Nick’s biceps at either side of him, curling his slender fingers around them and squeezing.  
“I think I’m ready,” he finally managed to say, feeling the blush rising in his already pinkened cheeks. Nick froze for a fraction of a second, his eyes widening with something resembling a slight excited panic only briefly.  
He quickly resumed his normal demeanour, though. So quickly Charlie did not have time to completely wreck himself emotionally on the inside by overanalysing the expression.  
Nick gave him a thoughtful look as he removed his hand from its spot on his chest, raising it up to stroke Charlie’s curls to the side out of his face. “hm,” is all he said.  
“I mean, if you are… if you would want to.” Charlie’s voice was hesitant and nervous, but his hands gave Nick’s upper arms another squeeze, whether to reassure him or to steady himself he was not sure.  
“You mean for sex?” Nick asked bluntly with an unreadable expression, though Charlie could see the slight rosiness rising in his cheeks. He would have found it adorable had he not also been feeling his own cheeks burning with a far more intense colour.  
“Yeah, obviously,” he clarified, diverting his eyes to stare at the mole on Nick’s right upper arm right above the crook if his elbow.  
Nick leaned to the side and dropped all his weight, rolling off of Charlie to lay next to him on the bed, still so close they were touching from shoulders to knees. Somehow he had found and grabbed Charlie’s hand in the process, now bringing it up to his mouth to kiss the back of it while staring up at the ceiling.  
If Nick did not give him a proper response in the next 3 seconds Charlie was going to combust, although he thought he might do that anyways as Nick had left him all hot and bothered as he had left to lay next to him instead of on top. Charlie’s mind went wild with questions in those seconds, thinking of the possibility of Nick not wanting to do it, or not wanting to do it with him, or maybe he had scared him off or worse - disgusted him. He knew it was silly, but that had always been a thought in the back of his mind, ever so small.  
As the anxiety inducing thoughts flit through his mind, Nick glanced over at him with his big, kind eyes. Seeing them without a trace of anxiousness, panic, or disgust in them managed to calm him a little, filling him with the reassurance and security he always felt with Nick like a cooling breeze through him, bright and gentle, taking his anxious thoughts with it on the way out.  
Nick brought his hand, still tangled with Charlie’s own, over to stroke Charlie’s cheek and use the back of his hand and thumb to even out the worried frown Charlie had not known he was sporting until he stroked it away.  
“You sure?” he finally said.  
“Yes,” he held Nick’s gaze locked with his own, “ I want to, with you. If you are ready, too.” He glanced down at Nick’s lips, his chest, and then back up again, biting down on his own lip, taking in a deep breath through his nose. The air was scented with warm skin and ruffled bed sheets.  
Nick smiled, and Charlie's own mouth pulled up at the corners because of it like a reflex, “I am,” he responded and rolled his body onto his side facing Charlie, getting closer. His arm snaked up across Charlie’s belly and hooked around his waist, pulling him in until they were completely pressed up against each other again, this time sideways. They were so close the tips of their noses brushed against each other slightly with each breath they took.  
“Really?” Charlie asked, regrettably sounding more like an eager schoolgirl than he had intended to. Nick let out a laugh with a “yes, really” and pressed their lips together, pulling him in even further. This was as close as two people could possibly get, Charlie had thought to himself, almost, anyway.  
That part had gone fairly smoothly. Charlie felt his heart flutter at how sweet it had really been and how safe and wanted his boyfriend had made him feel, only hoping he made Nick feel that way too. The real awkward part was what followed when they had to break off the kiss and sit up to plan it out like it was a bank heist; they had to go through some logistics. There were a few factors to take into consideration when two teenagers who still live at home want to “hanky-panky”, as Charlie’s father had put it so elegantly back when Charlie first told his parents about his relationship with Nick and he had forbade any of it in the house, such as time and place. Charlie did not care about the rule, but his house was still out of the question: there were too many people - there was always at least one parent and one sibling around. It would have to be at Nick’s since he only lived with his mother and their dog as his brother was in halls at university and his father lived in Paris.  
“Yeah, you’re right,” Nick had agreed when Charlie explained his reasoning for location choice. “Although I prefer your bed,” he added playfully and moved his body to give the bed a bounce underneath them.  
Charlie flushed at that. “Don’t think it will matter too much,” he said with an awkward laugh.  
Nick considered for a second, “when, though? Mum’s, like, always home.”  
They wouldn’t have to come up with an excuse for a sleep-over as the sleep-over ban had long since been pushed aside ever since Nick started spending nights over purely out of support and worry back when Charlie was having his episodes, and during the recovery.  
“I don’t know her schedule,” Charlie replied, throwing his hands out in a gesture.  
They sat in silence for a bit, feeling the electricity between them in the air as they both tried not to think about what they really were planning behind the practical inconveniences.  
“wait!” Nick exclaimed, grabbing hold of Charlie’s hand and holding it mid-air in a grip that was a little too tight, but he didn’t mind. “She’s just joined a book club, I just remembered!”  
“Really?” Charlie asked, almost sceptical.  
“Yeah! They meet every other Saturday. She’s there all evening. It’s more of a wine and book club,” Nick expanded, “and my aunt’s in it too so she takes Nellie with to see her as well. She calls it girl’s night, I’m not allowed.”  
Charlie laughed at Nick’s mock-hurt expression of being left out of girl’s night, “Well, sounds like the perfect opportunity, then,” he said, trying to sound nonchalant while thinking about the time frame of ‘every other Saturday’. That meant that it would either be three or ten days from now depending on when she was there last time. Charlie felt a tingle in his spine.  
Nick’s excited smile turned more timid as he raised his arm to give the groove between his own neck and shoulder a squeeze, looking a little shy all of a sudden. He glanced sideways at Charlie. “So… next weekend good for you?”  
Next weekend, he thought, and couldn’t help letting out a small sigh of relief. Now that their heartbeats had slowed down and they weren’t on top of each other with their tongues down each other’s throats anymore he didn’t mind the thought of having a little more time to prepare himself.  
“Mhm,” he answered, not knowing what else to do but move Nick’s arm out of the way to snuggle up against him, leaning his head on his shoulder, burrowing his face into it partly to hide his blush and partly to inhale the scent of him. Nick chuckled and wrapped his arm across his back and around his waist, pulling him in close.  
“It’s a date, then.” Nick kissed the top of his head and they let the statement linger in the air for a moment.  
Then Charlie thought of some other practicalities they would have to discuss. “Do you have what we’ll need?” He asked, not lifting his head up or moving away, but tensing up only slightly and feeling his cheeks burn.  
“What do you mean?” Nick straightened up to look at him.  
“You know,” Charlie averted his gaze and tried to shrug casually, “lube. And maybe a condom, I guess.”  
“Oh.” Even though he wasn’t looking at him, he knew Nick’s face was pink now, too. “Yeah, I’ll handle that.”  
“Okay, good.” Charlie cocked his head sideways and looked up at Nick’s face as he stared forward in thought. His felt himself soften with that gooey in-love feeling as he regarded his boyfriend deep in thought, letting his thoughts run wild and feeling the butterflies inside his body.  
They sat in silence for a minute, then Nick leaned back, letting his head hit the pillows behind them and his body sink into the bed. Charlie followed, tucking himself into his arm again, head in the crook between shoulder and chest. He started tracing the pattern of Nick’s shirt with his fingertips, following them with his eyes absentmindedly. Nick began stroking his hand slowly up and down Charlie’s side, and Charlie felt what can only be described as bliss. They could stay like this forever and he’d be happy. Nick’s fingers moving up and down the side of him, gentle but sure, mapping out the rises and dips and knowing when and where to stop for a massaging squeeze before continuing, made the tingles return.  
Charlie let his tracing fingers trail off downwards till he reached the hem of the shirt and pushed his hand up underneath until he was back on Nick’s chest, now touching his skin. He let his fingers brush through the little patch of blonde hair there.  
“I can’t wait,” he whispered, making his voice sultry as he gently pushed his body further into Nick’s side, hooking his leg over his thigh and lifting his head enough to place a kiss on the side of his mouth. Nick side-eyed him and smiled mischievously before he used his brute force to flip them around, pinning Charlie to the bed and hovering above him again with a snicker.  
“You’re such a minx.” He said, giving Charlie a soft kiss on the lips.  
Charlie acted offended, “Minx!?” he said, pushing Nick away from him playfully at arm’s length.  
“I said what I said,” Nick replied as he ignored the push and pressed his nose into that spot on Charlie’s neck he knew tickled him, ignoring the protests coming through the laughter, laughing with as well.

That had been ten days ago. Charlie both cringed and smiled at the memory; it was corny, but it was them.  
He was suddenly standing in front of Nick’s door and wondered when he had gone through the gate or how long he’d been standing there for already, noticing how he was shivering ever so slightly now. He gave his hair one last pass over before knocking.  
In seconds the door was opened, Nick appearing in its place. His tousled blonde hair looked freshly washed, not yet completely dry, and he was wearing his usual at-home ensemble of a patterned t-shirt, this one white with some light grey stripes, and his black tracky-bottoms. He had yellow ankle socks on. Charlie felt his heart skip a beat at the sight - he would never get used to how handsome his boyfriend was, especially like this.  
His shirt was definitely too dressy he concluded to himself as soon as he saw Nick, but it was too late to change now. At least he had gone with his regular black jeans with the rips at the knees, although he could feel the brisk spring air through them making goose bumps on his skin.  
“Hi,” Nick said, his head slightly tilted, one hand in his trouser pocket.  
“Hi.” Charlie looked off to the side with a wobbly grin, unsure of the next move.  
Nick stepped forward off the threshold, placing a finger and thumb on Charlie’s chin to lift it up and give him a soft, slow kiss hello. Charlie felt weak at the knees as their lips melted together briefly, a tingle crawled up his spine.  
“Hi,” Charlie said again once their lips broke apart. Nick chuckled and gave him a quick peck on the cheek before swiftly turning around and going back into the house, “come in!”  
Charlie followed and was immediately glad to be inside the house, cursing himself for forgetting to wear a jacket. The weather was getting warmer as they came closer and closer to the summer months, but it was not warm enough just yet. He shivered at the change of temperature as he entered.  
“You cold?” Nick laughed incredulously, he always found it funny when their perception of the temperature didn’t match.  
“Always,” Charlie replied with a wonky smile, greeting Nellie with a pat on the head as she appeared by his legs.  
“Come here.” Nick extended his arms out towards him, and he was more than happy to comply, straightening up and leaning into him. Nick’s body encompassed him as he wrapped his arms around, rubbing quickly up and down his arms and back to warm him up with the friction although his body heat alone was more than enough. Charlie leaned into it and took the opportunity to revel in his scent while he was at it. It was clean with a hint of a little cologne and the unmistakable sweet scent of his skin, of just him.  
“Nick! Sweetie, have you seen my keys?” a voice suddenly bellowed from the kitchen, startling Charlie so much he jumped out of Nick’s embrace.  
“They’re here, mum!” Nick shouted back.  
“Oh, of course, silly me,” Nick’s mother muttered as she came into the hallway heading straight to the entrance table were a set of keys were waiting on top.  
“Hi, Ms. Nelson.” Charlie said with a polite smile.  
“Oh, Charlie, dear. How many times do I have to tell you there’s no need to be so formal?” She gave his upper arm a pat as she passed him, opened her bag and chucked the keys inside.  
“Sorry, Ms.” He looked down at his shoes. He hadn’t really considered the possibility of Nick’s mum not having left yet and was very conscious of the heat rising in his cheeks and his awkward stance probably making him look like a child that has been caught doing something naughty.  
She let the subject of Charlie’s formality go as she seemed to be in a hurry, “Alright, I’m off.”  
“Bye, mum,” Nick said and gave her a kiss on the cheek as she passed him to get to the shoe rack.  
“Now, you two behave. If you go out, let me know. I’ll be back just past 11. Come on, Nellie!” She called, slipping her shoes on and disappearing through the door, their dog slipping through just before it closed.  
Thank god she had not turned around to see Charlie’s red face at the “behave” comment. Nick had done so though and broke out in laughter as soon as the door shut behind her, “what, you didn’t come here with pure intent, Mr. Spring?” he joked and ruffled Charlie’s hair teasingly.  
“Shut up, dickhead.” Charlie shook him off in exaggerated miff and stomped off towards the kitchen to grab himself a drink.  
“You’re so cute,” Nick laughed, wiping under his eyes with the back of his hand as he followed him through the square archway.

Charlie couldn’t help but feel the tangible weirdness in the air. They both knew what they were there to do; they only had one thing on the agenda, yet they both had so far been unable to approach it. They had spent an hour and a half hanging out in the kitchen already like I was any odd Saturday where they usually just hang about with each other for as long as they can before going out or they decide to stay in and watch a film instead. They’d had some toast and was now on a cup of tea. Nick’s kitchen table had benches instead of chairs which Charlie liked as it meant he could sit with his back against the wall and have his legs in Nick’s lap while they ate, drank and talked about everything and nothing.  
“I just think you should give them a chance!” Charlie said as they discussed some band Nick vehemently refused to listen to, gesturing so intensely he nearly spilled his tea all over both himself and the table.  
“Put that down before you burn yourself,” Nick laughed, grabbing Charlie’s hand and taking the cup away from him before he even had the chance to take his suggestion, and placing it on the table. His hand remained holding Charlie’s, finessing so it slid smoothly around and laced its fingers with his without letting go.  
“So,” he said, scooting slightly closer and glancing at Charlie sideways, “What do you want to do?”  
Charlie swallowed as he leaned forward and retracted one leg from Nick’s lap simultaneously, bending his knee up to meet his elbow and rest his head in his palm, getting closer to Nick too, “um… I don’t know.”  
“It feels a bit weird just… you know, just going for it,” Nick admitted with a sheepish lopsided smile, averting his eyes.  
He agreed, “yeah, it does.” Nick gave the hand he was holding a gentle squeeze and flipped it around into his other hand so it was facing up.  
“Want to go for a walk? I’ll lend you a hoodie.” Nick suggested as he drew circles in Charlie’s palm with his thumb.  
Charlie smiled, revelling in the tickly sensation on the inside of his hand. “Can I have a scarf as well?”  
“You can have a beanie and some mittens too if you’d like,” Nick laughed, pulling in Charlie’s hand to kiss the back of it before letting go and pushing the remaining leg off his lap to stand up and fetch the clothing.

“There you go, all wrapped up,” Nick said as Charlie tied the scarf around his neck. “You sure you don’t want any mittens?” he teased.  
“How many times do I have to tell you to shut up before you finally do?” Charlie said with a playful whack to Nick’s arm. Nick had just put on some trainers and a sports jacket and was ready to go.  
Outside the sun was shining, but it was still cold enough for Charlie to be glad for the extra layer. Not that he would ever pass up an opportunity to borrow one of Nick’s hoodies regardless - He was already plotting how to get it back home with him the next day without him noticing.  
They walked side by side into the crisp air, heading up the street. Charlie grabbed Nick’s hand, and Nick laced their fingers together. It was so nice being able to do this, not being afraid to be seen. Charlie was always in awe of Nick’s confidence and courage when it came to this; he had only been officially out for the public for about eleven months after all.  
Nick pulled Charlie by his hand showing the way, cutting through a couple back yards before the nearby park opened up in front of them, a vast field of old, brown grass mixed with new, green grass. There weren’t many people about, probably because of the chilly air and the fact it was around the time most were home and ate their dinners. Charlie could see only a few kids on the playground in the far corner, a few obligatory parents or older siblings scattered around it chatting with each other, and a couple holding hands walking leisurely down the pathway cutting the park in two halves. As soon as they entered the open space Nick let go of Charlie’s hand with a mischievous grin, turned around and said, “catch me if you can!” before taking off in a hurry to the right of them down the short edge of the green, already half way before Charlie had processed the challenge and set off after him.  
Charlie was faster than Nick and they both knew it. It didn’t take long before he had caught up with him, they rounded the corner and continued running down the long edge side by side now.  
“You have no chance,” Charlie bellowed with his head turned towards Nick as they ran, laughter in his voice.  
“Yeah, well take me down then, rugby boy!” Nick bellowed back at him a little out of breath, with a cheeky yet dazzling smile, and tried to speed up.  
But, Charlie was too fast, and although he didn’t have the mass to measure up to Nick on the field if they came face to face in a fight for the ball, in a chase like this speed and good timing was all he needed. He sped up to match Nick and then some, coming up on his side and a step ahead, he turned his body in a swift motion as he simultaneously got leverage under his feet to kick off to the side with force enough to crash into Nick’s side, using what he had learned in training about where to place his shoulder in a tackle to protect yourself as well as take the opponent down.  
Nick had not seen the force of the tackle coming, the air leaving him in a huff as Charlie’s shoulder smashed into his abdomen. They hit the ground as a tangle of limbs with a hard thump, Nick on his back wide eyed and catching his breath, Charlie sideways on top of him with his arms wrapped around his torso. Charlie stayed there for only a couple breaths before lifting himself up to meet Nick’s beaming face.  
“Not bad, rugby boy,” he said, still working on evening out his breath again after the run.  
“I’m not a rugby boy, I don’t even play, I’m hardly even on the team,” Charlie corrected him and sat up, offering Nick his hand to pull him up too. He’d taken a break from rugby as he had not been fit for sports at all for a while, only recently had he begun joining them in training again.  
“Well you could’ve fooled me, maybe we should play you soon. That tackle nearly took me out,” Nick said, taking the hand offered to him but instead of letting it pull him up, he pulled Charlie down on top of himself wrapping him in a tight hold and poking his fingers into his sides, knowing how much that tickled him.  
“Stop! let go!” Charlie protested through his cries of pained laughter to no avail. They wrestled for a bit until Nick finally faked losing the match. They were out of breath and sank down next to each other, heads on opposite ends, in the green-brown grass at the edge of the park. The sun was hanging low in the sky and the ground underneath them was cold and damp. They felt the temperature seep through their clothing where their bodies met the earth, but didn’t care much. Nick laid on his back with drawn-up knees and Charlie did the same. He caught the sight of the tendons of Nick’s ankles moving under the skin showing between the hem of his trackies and above his short socks as he tapped his foot absentmindedly. The skin was pale and covered in blonde hairs, and Charlie wanted to kiss it. Instead he reached his hand down the side of his body to rest palm up in the grass between them, an open invitation. Nick’s hand landed in his only a second later and they locked together. They laid like this in comfortable quiet, Nick closing his eyes and Charlie looking up at the sky. After a few minutes Nick stirred and curled himself to lay sideways and lay his head on Charlie’s stomach. Charlie chuckled as the weight sank into him and smiled down at his boyfriend as he brought his free hand up to caress the blonde head of hair, sinking his fingers into the warmth of it.  
Nick stared up at him with sparkling eyes before closing them in pleasure at the sensation of Charlie’s fingers combing through his hair, lightly scratching his scalp.  
“mm, yes, more please,” he said and lifted the hand he was holding up to his face, placing it on his head to join the other one.  
Charlie faked an exasperated sigh at Nick’s antics and giggled as he put both hands to work. Nick’s hand landed to rest in front of his face on Charlie’s ribs. As Charlie combed through the hair it slowly slid down, and he thought Nick was falling asleep until he suddenly felt ice cold fingers shoot up under the borrowed sweatshirt and his own shirt to touch the naked skin of his warm stomach. Charlie gasped in shock at the stark difference in temperature and sudden move and pushed Nick off him as he sat up abruptly and scooted away with a shriek.  
“Dickhead! Absolute dickhead!” he yelled as he got up, leaving a laughing Nick by himself down on the ground. He tried to look angry but couldn’t help himself grinning.  
“Sorry love, your guards were down, I had to.” Nick explained, reaching his hand up with a heartthrob smile.  
Charlie gave him an annoyed huff before grabbing the hand and helping him to his feet nonetheless.  
“I don’t know how I feel about you feeling the urge to take advantage of me being vulnerable to you given the circumstances,” Charlie joked, referring to their evening plans.  
“Oh, hush,” Nick tutted and waved him off. Charlie chuckled and started walking, Nick following and coming to his side right away.  
“Wanna take the river round?” Nick asked.  
“Yes! I love that walk,” Charlie beamed up at him. They could hear the faint bubble of the river that snaked around the park and some of the houses and trees surrounding it from where they were.  
“I know,” Nick smiled back and took Charlie’s hand again as they kept walking. Charlie leaned into his shoulder, bringing his other hand up to cross in front of his body and hold around Nick’s elbow. He knew it looked very feminine when he did that, but he didn’t care. They headed for the stream.  
They took the stroll along the river mostly in silence, just heart eyed glances and casual yet not-so-casual touches, enjoying each other’s company and the low late-afternoon sun on their faces, listening to the bubbling and whooshing of the evermoving water.

On their way back down the street towards his house again Nick squeezed Charlie’s hand and leaned in to place a peck on his cheek, “You look nice today, by the way. I forgot to tell you earlier, mum interrupted me.” He said.  
“Thanks, so do you,” Charlie replied, flushing. He tucked his hair behind his ear, internally noting how he’s in need of a haircut. “I feel a bit overdressed, though.”  
“Nonsense, it’s me who’s underdressed,” Nick let go of his hand and pulled him into his side by the waist, “won’t really matter what we’re wearing for long, anyway.” He added with a wink and smirked cheekily, looking down at him with hooded eyes, cheeks turning a very faint pink.  
“I guess you’re right.” The butterflies returned to Charlie’s stomach and formed a knot, he tried to smile back but was afraid it turned out more of a grimace.  
Nick noticed and frowned slightly. “You alright, darling?”  
The butterflies did a synchronised flutter inside him at that. Nick had only recently begun using that word with Charlie, and every time he did it felt like he would either melt or implode internally.  
“Yes,” he answered and leaned into him further, “I’m just nervous.” Being honest with Nick was never difficult for him.  
They reached the house at that moment. Nick let go of him to open the gate and fished out the keys from his pocket, heading for the door.  
Charlie followed and closed the gate after himself before stopping by his side a step behind him waiting for him to open the door.  
Charlie couldn’t help but let his fingers brush Nick’s elbow. As he unlocked the door Nick said, “You know, so am I.”  
“Really?” Charlie raised a sceptic brow at the admittance. “You seem awfully calm. I’d actually say you seem rather chipper.”  
“That’s because it’s you. Even though I’m nervous I know I have no reason to stress.” He explained as he pushed the door open and let them inside.  
“Well that’s not fair. I know that too, but I can’t stop stressing about it anyways,” Charlie huffed exasperatedly, his fingers fumbling with the knot of his scarf.  
“I know,” Nick said calmly, moving Charlie’s hands out of the way to help him. Charlie started gnawing at one of his fingernails with a frown on his face, looking off to the side, analysing his behaviour and feelings as he let Nick unwrap the scarf.  
Nick continued, “You’re just a stressed-out kind of guy.”  
He meant it half-jokingly, but Charlie couldn’t help but let it sting a little. He knew he was, and he didn’t find it very funny.  
Nick could tell his reaction even though Charlie had tried not to have one outwardly.  
“I’m sorry, love.” Nick said, dropping the scarf and placing his palms on either side of Charlie’s face, tilting his chin slightly upwards. Charlie brought his line of sight back to meet Nick’s apologetic eyes, his playfulness gone.  
“I know you didn’t mean it like that,” Charlie reassured, feeling guilty, and reached up to smooth out the worried frown on Nick’s brows. Nick let his hands slide down first to Charlie’s shoulders then further down his arms in a comforting gesture, stopping to rest them around the elbows.  
I just mean, even though I’m nervous too, I can be calm because it’s you, us. And I’m ‘chipper’ because,” He looked down with a shy smile and blushed, “’cause, well, isn’t it a little exciting? I’m excited.” he finished with a coy chuckle under his words, timidity colouring his voice. Nick’s sudden bashfulness made Charlie’s heart flutter with how endearing it was.  
“I’m excited,” Charlie echoed as he hoisted himself up on his tip toes to plant a kiss at the corner of Nick’s mouth. Nick softened as he leaned into it, making it a proper snog. Charlie felt strong hands grabbing his waist and pulling him in, and he was more than happy to obey.  
Nick backed up against the hallway wall hitting it with a thump, Charlie stumbling with him, their mouths still connected. The air that had felt so taut grew comfortable between them again, letting them fall back into familiar action and yearning. Nick’s hands left Charlie’s waist to cup his face instead as their kiss deepened. Charlie felt his boldness return as he grabbed at Nick’s hips and pushed his whole body against his, barely carrying any of his own weight on his feet anymore as he leaned it all in. The world around them blurred as they got lost in each other, sensing nothing but their scent, their touch, the feel of each other under their fingers. They stayed there for a while, Charlie pushing Nick against the wall, Nick not minding it, lips smashing into each other and tongues dancing back and forth. Nick somehow shrugged his jacket off and dropped it to the floor, and his hands went from cupping Charlie’s face to cupping his behind.  
They breathed into each other, revelling in it all, feeling a little naughty about going this far in the hallway even though they knew they were alone in the house. Their movements became more and more frantic as time progressed, letting the sweet warmth of their mouths pour into each other and drinking it up, their hands roaming across clothed skin with desire for more.  
Charlie kissed the length of Nick’s neck, tasting the saltyness of skin and bitterness of lingering cologne. Nick seemed to swell under his touch, pressing back against him.  
Nick was the first to break their trance, letting out a soft moan as Charlie reached his collarbone before pushing him back gently: “Should we maybe move this somewhere else?” he suggested between short breaths, trembling, their eyes locking knowingly. Charlie felt his pulse in his throat and behind his ears as he noticed his own heavy breathing.  
“Yeah,” he said and grabbed Nick’s hand, pulling him towards the stairs. Nick followed willingly with an amused chuckle. It wasn’t so hard for Charlie to be bold and up front now that they’d gotten their blood flowing hot in their veins again and all he wanted was to be closer than ever.  
He led the way into Nick’s bedroom, letting go of his hand and shutting the door after the both of them with a spin, his back against it and hands folded behind him. He leaned against the door and let his heaving chest slow down. He smiled sheepishly at Nick who was standing in the middle of the room, trying not to notice the front of his trackies that definitely had not been that protuberant earlier. He was trembling now, unsure of the next move. His heart was in his throat, suddenly overtaken by the nerves again, the tingling sensation he had been feeling in his stomach mixing together with something heavy. It felt like a tangle of metal chains and electric wire. He felt like a yoyo, his palms sweaty against the door behind him. He screwed his eyes shut and shook his head.  
“I have to piss,” he blurted out before thinking it and disappeared through the door again so quickly Nick could barely blink before he was gone.

Charlie let the cold water run over his hands in the sink, watching it trickle through between his fingers with an empty stare. He had been in there for a few minutes now. He looked up at himself in the bathroom mirror, at his pinkened cheeks and the slightly damp curls hanging in his face, cursing himself for not having gotten a haircut in a while but also happy he hadn’t as he knew Nick liked it when it was a bit longer and unruly. His skin was a purple-y colour under his eyes as usual, the discolouration made slightly more noticeable by the time of year being when his brown skin was at its palest. He could look worse, he thought; his skin wasn’t bad and his eyes were bright, his flushed cheeks gave him a healthy colour overall.  
He splashed his face with the cold water and took a deep breath before heading back to the bedroom.

When he opened the door Nick was lying on his bed scrolling on his phone, knees bent and legs crossed so one foot was hanging in mid-air. Charlie noticed he had turned a fake candle on and set it up on his bedside table while he’d been gone and felt a smile on his face at the gesture of the attempt at making the scene more romantic. Nick turned his head towards him at the sound of the door closing.  
“Hey,” he said and sat up, his movements suggested he was about to get up off the bed.  
“No!” Charlie exclaimed a bit too loud, “I mean, don’t get up.”  
Nick shot him a perplexed look, but pulled the corner of his mouth up in an almost smile and let his weight back down on the mattress to sit with his legs over the edge.  
Charlie crossed the floor hastily while simultaneously pulling Nick’s hoodie over his head, letting it drop to the floor as he came to a standstill between Nick’s knees. He felt his breath expanding his lungs and his heartbeat hammer in his chest as he got closer to his boyfriend, focusing on the swell of his shoulders and arms, his tousled hair and handsome jawline, and thought briefly of how Nick had grown into himself over the past year, looking more like a man than a boy.  
He put each hand on Nick’s shoulders to steady himself as he bent his legs up and settles his knees on the bed on either side of Nick to straddle his lap, a position he had been in before and that could ease them in as a nice starting point. Settled, he leaned forward tentatively to place a soft kiss on Nick’s lips.  
“Sorry I’m being weird, I don’t know how to do this,” He admitted bashfully with a self-conscious chuckle as he met Nick’s eyes, now only a few inches away.  
Nick let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding in a light-hearted sigh and placed his hands on top of Charlie’s, still holding onto his shoulders. It felt reassuring. “Me neither. We’re learning together,” he said with a slight smirk, but only calmness and understanding in his voice.  
Charlie let his hands glide up into Nick’s hair and pulled at it gently, wrapping his arms around his neck and pulling himself in for a deeper kiss. Their mouths opened under each other. He felt an electric surge through his whole body as Nick leaned into it with just as much enthusiasm as earlier through soft movements, his hands moving up and down Charlie’s back slowly.  
They got back into their familiar rhythm again, trembling slightly as hip movements and grabby hands become more and more eager. Charlie pressed against Nick, thinking of how he smelled like almonds and rain, drinking it up. He was all but grinding down onto his lap when Nick suddenly grabbed a hold under each of Charlie’s thighs and lifted them both up just enough to swing around and drop Charlie on his back on the bed. Charlie was panting and wiping his forehead with the back of his hand in surprise as he watched Nick settle between his legs, extremely turned on by the action.  
“What,” Nick asked with a nervous laugh, “was that too much?”  
“Not at all,” Charlie answered honestly and sat up halfway, leaning on his elbows. Nick’s hair was messy and damp now, his t-shirt wrinkled all over and the little bow of the strings of his trackies had come undone. His t-shirt has come up slightly to expose a sliver of skin at the bottom of his belly, a small, soft roll right above his waistband. Charlie couldn’t believe how lucky he was.  
Nick stretched out his fingers tentatively as he leaned in to place a kiss on Charlie’s neck, his fingertips brushing across his chest and stopping at Charlie’s top shirt button: “Can I?”  
Charlie just nodded and watched as Nick carefully began to unbutton his shirt slowly while his lips stayed by his throat, breathing warm air onto his skin softly. Charlie resisted the urge to shudder and watched the hands move down from button to button on top of his heaving chest.  
“I want you so bad,” Charlie whispered as Nick unbuttoned the last and let the fabric slide down on each side to reveal Charlie’s torso. The air washing over his skin was shocking, making him shiver. Nick sat up, letting his eyes trail down what he had just uncovered, then his eyes flashed back up to Charlie’s and he blushed but smiled wide.  
“I’m inclined to fulfil your wishes,” he said teasingly, planting his hands on either side of Charlie and leaning over him, “but there is one thing I need to ask you first…” He averted his gaze then and looked almost embarrassed. Charlie mused at the new sides of his boyfriend he got to see today.  
“Ask away,” he prompted him, and followed suit as Nick sat himself up. They sat in front of each other, Charlie painfully aware of his bare chest and legs openly sprawled out at either side of Nick. He decided to pull them in towards himself, wrapping his arms around one of them and resting his chin on its knee, letting the other fall to the side as he waited for Nick to speak.  
“Well… I realised there was something we hadn’t discussed that is probably a bit crucial… And it’s really kind of awkward to bring up but I don’t want any of us to be uncomfortable or to do something the other wasn’t expecting…” He started rambling, avoiding eye contact but putting his hand on Charlie’s leg, the one that had fallen to the side, a point of contact and assurance. Charlie tried to focus on his words instead of the hand now heavy on his inner thigh.  
When Charlie didn’t say anything, letting Nick take his time, he did a sharp intake of air and turned to look him straight in the eye. “Basically, what I’m asking is what um, positions, are you thinking we’ll take? If you’ve thought about it.”  
The comfortable air that had surrounded them grew slightly tense again. Nick held their eye contact, looking at him expectantly, searchingly, with a slight lopsided smile. His thumb started caressing small circles on Charlie’s thigh as his silence stretched out.  
“Ah,” Charlie finally managed to say, “I… didn’t think about us having to figure that out.”  
In truth Charlie hadn’t thought about it because he had only pictures it one way. He hadn’t stopped to consider the possibility for it being the other way around, that perhaps Nick would have pictured it differently. His face burnt red as he realised his oversight.  
“So… what do you… want?” Nick asked, clearing his throat. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed.  
“To be honest, I hadn’t really thought about it because I… er, not to be problematic or anything, but we kind of fulfil every other stereotype of a gay relationship, you know, physically, that I’d kind of assumed we’d obviously be that way in this as well…” He explained with a nervous giggle, finding it weird hearing himself voicing his thought process out as it had not been a concrete thought until that very moment.  
“Meaning…?” Nick prompted further.  
Charlie felt his cheeks burning, a little annoyed at having to spell it out.  
“Meaning that I’ve assumed I’d be…” He paused, “Receiving. And you’d be giving.” He covered his face with his hand as he threw his head backwards, rubbing his temples as if he was having a headache, and scrunched his face together. “Boy, this is awkward.”  
“I’m sorry, love,” Nick laughed and gave his thigh a gentle but firm squeeze. “I just wanted to be sure of what we were both expecting. I didn’t want to put you in an uncomfortable position.”  
“I think this right here is the uncomfortable position, mate, making me say if I'm a top or a bottom,” Charlie snorted and peeked at Nick through his fingers still in front of his eyes.  
“If you call me mate again I’m not having sex with you,” Nick threatened and jabbed his fingers towards Charlie’s ribs, letting Charlie block him and push him away with a laugh.  
“Did you have something different in mind than me?” Charlie had to ask, voicing the question from between curls that had fallen in his face again.  
“No, I mean, I, er…” Nick was flustered by being put on the spot now, too, “ I kind of thought the same way you did. Not to stereotype you or anything. Or myself, for that matter.” He was stuttering slightly and chuckling timidly. Even steady, always sure of himself Nick was rattled. Charlie had to grin at that, letting out a giggle. Nick squinted suspiciously at him.  
“You tosser,” Charlie laughed tenderly, faux mocking him with a light shove to the shoulder, “now you’ve ruined the mood.”  
Nick laughed too, his body relaxing again, “I’m sorry.” He shifted, casually sliding his hand a little bit further up Charlie’s thigh to give him a last squeeze before removing it, earning a small, involuntary gasp from him. He knew very well what he was doing to him.  
Nick peeled Charlie’s arm away from the leg he had it wrapped around, and in a swift motion grabbed the crooks of Charlie’s knees with his hands and pulled him towards himself with a hard tug.  
A surprised “oh!” was all Charlie could say as he was yanked forward by the legs, falling backwards onto the mattress, his head landing with a soft thud.  
Nick had apparently decided to throw all tension out the window as he wrapped Charlie’s legs around his waist before letting go to lean down over him.  
“I guess I’m going to have to work a bit harder to bring it back then.” He said seductively right by Charlie’s ear, the air of his words tickling Charlie’s skin.  
“Maybe not. I think it’s back already,” Charlie grinned, grabbing each side of his face and pulling him into a passionate kiss. In a moment of plain vulnerable sincerity, he parted their lips again to whisper, “I love you, you know?”  
It was not the first time he had said it, but they did not tend to throw the phrase around without cause. “I love you,” Nick said back with the same candidness before breaching the barrier of Charlie’s lips with his tongue.  
The blankets twisted around them as they let intuition and instinct take over. They were in no rush, taking the time to touch and stroke, revelling in and exploring each sensation.  
Nick had a firm grip on Charlie’s thigh, keeping it in place around his waist as he slowly grinded into him, garnering a shaky gasp from him as Charlie shut his eyes, craning his neck. Nick’s lips trailed across the exposed collar bone, continuing across the span of his chest. Charlie’s jeans were becoming uncomfortably tight, almost unbearable.  
“Please,” Charlie heard himself beg, gripping at Nick’s shoulders.  
“Hm?” Nick hummed as he rolled his hips again, amused at the responses he was getting.  
“Pause, pause, pause,” Charlie huffed, speaking louder as he squirmed himself upwards to escape another press against the tightness. Nick immediately stopped and pulled back.  
“Sorry, what did I do?” He sounded concerned.  
“Nothing. Well, not nothing, I just need to…” Charlie trailed off as he fumbled with the button and zipper of his jeans to relieve the tight pressure that had been building up.  
Nick raised his eyebrows in amusement as he understood the source for Charlie’s abrupt discomfort, “oh,” he said, and grinned mischievously. “Sorry, I should’ve thought about that. Let me...” He reached for the waistband of Charlie’s trousers to start pulling them down.  
Charlie smacked his hands away before he reached them; “absolutely not, if you think I’m going to let you undress me completely while you’re still fully dressed-” he begun, but Nick grabbed the hand that had smacked him away before he could finish and guided it up under his t-shirt, gasping slightly as he pressed Charlie's cold fingers against his skin.  
“Then undress me, silly.”  
Charlie stared at him wide-eyed for a moment, before sitting himself up and letting his other hand join the first in the warmth underneath Nick’s striped t-shirt. His hands slipped over the quickening rise and fall of Nick’s breathing belly and pushed them upward whilst making sure to feel every inch of skin passing underneath his fingertips. Nick was pliant under his hands following his lead, raising his arms willingly as Charlie pushed the t-shirt further up, at last pulling it completely off, barely able to reach the very tips of Nick’s extended yet relaxed hands. The ceiling lights were turned off, leaving the fairy-lights, the fake candlelight, and the remaining daylight that seeped through the curtains still, so they were illuminated enough to see everything in a soft, warm tone. He took a second to take in the sight; the broad stretch of Nick’s shoulders, the swell of the muscles of his upper arms, his chest with the softest tuft of hair in the very middle, everything covered in a layer of softness. Nick was big and strong, but there was nothing hard about him. Not like this. In his relaxed pose, sitting back on his heels, his belly formed small soft rolls. Charlie wanted to kiss them. There was a faint trail of soft dark-blonde hair at the very bottom of his belly leading down under his waistband. He stroked through it gently, watching Nick roll his hips forward ever so slightly to the touch.  
“We’re really doing this, huh?” He said, eyes still on Nick’s exposed skin as he let himself fall back down onto the bed.  
Nick laughed, only pulling at Charlie’s waistband in response.  
Once freed from the confinement of his jeans Charlie could see just how excited he had become, the evidence visible and clear as day through the more giving fabric of his underwear. The heat rose in his cheeks again. “Don’t look,” he commanded weakly as Nick stripped the jeans off over his feet, taking his socks with them.  
“Would you really like me to keep my eyes closed?” he said humorously as he brought himself back down to him, “It’s not a secret you know. I’ve known what’s between your legs this entire time,” he said as he grinded into him again, this time without the layer of denim fabric to dull the sensation of it. Charlie could feel Nick’s own hardness through the trackies clearly now, and it made him take in a sharp breath through his teeth. He giggled and was glad they could joke and laugh with each other, that they were making it less serious. It calmed his anxious mind significantly.  
Their lips found each other again and Charlie felt the heat of Nick’s shirtless body against his skin and pulled him to him, trembling, aching to be closer.  
At the next grind Charlie tentatively lifted his hips to meet Nick halfway, surprising him enough to earn a gentle moan from him. He liked the sound and did it again with more eagerness and push this time, making them both whimper into each other’s mouths.  
Charlie skimmed his hands down the length of Nick’s back and under the waistband of his trousers without hesitation, trying to push them down but failing with his limited reach from being in the compromised position he was in underneath him.  
“Shall I take it off?” Nick suggested with a chuckle. Charlie nodded vigorously but regretted it as soon as Nick lifted himself off him to do so, leaving him exposed and panting, legs parted and knees drawn up. Nick removed his tracky-bottoms with haste by the edge of the bed, throwing them to the floor. Before he could return to where he was, Charlie grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him down to the side, pushing him onto his back into the bed before climbing on top of him.  
Before giving himself time to think about what he was doing, he had planted himself right on top of Nick, resisting the urge to move his hips back and forth ardently made extremely difficult by the mere sensation of being sat on the protrusion in Nick’s underpants. Charlie was still wearing his shirt with all the buttons opened, his arms, back and sides still covered in fabric which for now was fine with him. He looked down at Nick, meeting his inquisitive eyes, hooded with what looked like passion and lust. He wasn’t really sure why he had initiated the position change; he only knew he wanted to drag it out a little more, and had they kept at it he would not have lasted much longer. He felt the need to take control for a bit and adjust the pace. He bent down to reunite their lips once again, softer than before, but still full of desire. Instead of letting it grow in intensity he wanted to maintain the slow and soft nature of it, so he kissed a little further down just on Nick’s bottom lip, a little further down again, and kept going downward, leaving a trail of indulgent kisses down his neck, across his collarbones, down his chest, brushing his nipples as he passed them on the way down.  
“Where are you going?” Nick asked, his voice out of breath with a slight nervous giggle.  
“Not sure,” Charlie answered, truthfully – he had no plan.  
As Charlie moved downwards he climbed off and settled himself between Nick’s thighs, his kisses having gone all the way down to the waistband of his underwear. Aware of his proximity to what hid underneath he flushed and sat himself up, leaning his hands on Nick’s hips to steady himself.  
He had touched Nick’s intimate parts before, used his hands to bring him to climax, but that had always been underneath the sheets. He had never actually seen it before, nor had Nick seen him work it. Charlie suddenly felt a strong desire to try something he never had before, something else that would be new to him other than what was already on the evening’s agenda.  
“Could I…?” He looked away bashfully, shying from Nick’s questioning and playful gaze.  
“Go ahead. I’m not sure what exactly you’re trying to ask, but the answer is yes,” Nick answered the half question humorously.  
Charlie didn’t need any more blessing than that and went to it, cupping him through the fabric and giving him a gentle squeeze that sent Nick’s hips bucking upward involuntarily, his body seeking out the stimulation it craved. Charlie let his hands brush over Nick to find his waistband and curled his fingers around the fabric before tugging it down without hesitation, allowing Nick’s length to spring out and flop against his lower belly. Charlie was too busy trying to get the underwear all the way off Nick’s long legs to let himself look.  
“Oh,” Nick said, Charlie had thought Nick had guessed what he was getting at when he tried to ask, but there was genuine surprise in his voice, “Well now I feel very exposed.” he laughed timidly.  
Charlie didn’t respond to his words but rather focused on his body as soon as the underwear was off, letting his hands stroke up Nick’s thighs, continuing up his sides and back down over his chest and abdomen before reaching the pelvis again where he wrapped a hand around him, giving a gentle, careful tug.  
This sent shivers through Nick, and he curled his head forward as he let out a shaky breath through his teeth reminding Charlie of how sensitive he was. The sound made him even more eager to continue his new mission.  
He took a deep steadying breath, then slowly lowered his head down and wrapped his lips apprehensively around the tip of Nick’s member.  
“Oh, shit,” Nick mumbled through staggered breaths at the realisation of what was happening. Nick’s quickened breathing gave Charlie a boost of confidence as he pushed him further into his mouth.  
“Charlie…“ Nick muttered, not really trying to form a sentence but needing to say something. Charlie glanced up to see he had shut his eyes and was pressing his head back into the pillows, craning his neck.  
He started moving his head up and down, almost letting Nick fall from his lips but not quite at the upwards motion before pushing down again. His hand at the base was moving in tandem. Nick was getting more and more flustered underneath him, muttering unintelligible words with one forearm covering his eyes, his other hand lying flat on his midsection, the muscles in his abdomen moving in uneven spasms beneath. Charlie relished in seeing him like this, knowing he could make him squirm and stutter in this way. He couldn’t help but think about how he had always been slightly scared he would hate doing this, having come to the conclusion of his sexuality at such an early age before one even really thought of doing such things, never mind having actually tried. Pleased and slightly relieved, he found himself enjoying it quite a lot.  
He continued on, going slowly but a little deeper with every bob of his head before suddenly feeling Nick’s hands on each side of his face, trying to gently push him away.  
Charlie let go of him with a wet pop and let Nick raise his head to meet his eyes. He was looking at him kindly with a warm smile, so at least he couldn’t have been doing that bad.  
“Darling,” he began.  
Charlie all but turned to mush in his hands.  
“We should probably save it a little if you want me to last,” Nick smiled sheepishly, pulling one corner of his mouth higher than the other.  
“Oh,” Charlie said, realisation in his voice. He’d been too caught up in being interrupted to notice the flush across Nick’s chest, the beads of sweat near his hairline, his staccato breathing.  
Charlie couldn’t help but giggle, “sorry.”  
Nick looked at him, sitting up at an awkward angle, completely naked and leaning forward over himself with his hands on either side of Charlie’s face. They both started to laugh, probably thinking the same thing. Nick slid his hands down to grab Charlie’s upper arms and pulled him down in a horizontal hug as they kept laughing together.  
“Why are we like this,” Charlie laughed, snuggling into Nick’s bare chest.  
“Utterly ridiculous,” Nick said in a tone of agreement, stroking up and down Charlie’s back, the loose fabric of his shirt catching on his fingers. “Come here.”  
Charlie lifted his head to see kind eyes looking down at him, urging him to close the short distance. He complied, scooting upwards and stretching his neck until their lips met.  
Nick pushed into it, leading them both upwards to sit, Charlie now seated in his lap with his legs on either side out behind Nick. This was a good position; one they have used many times before. They continued making out, Charlie rolling his hips from time to time pushing down into Nick’s lap. Nick’s hands were all over him: first in his hair, then moving down his throat and across all the exposed skin of his chest and belly, then tenderly up over his shoulders and down his arms, carefully pushing his shirt down and exposing more skin.  
Charlie stilled.  
He was self-conscious about his arms. He had barely ever exposed them to Nick before; only a couple times in bed with all the lights turned off, even the fairy-lights, had he ever taken his shirt completely off in front of him. Of course, he knew it was pointless to hide them from Nick as he knew better than anyone apart from his family what was there. Even if he hadn’t seen them already, which he most likely had, he had felt them, felt the ridges on Charlie’s skin, the lingering evidence of last fall.  
“It’s okay, Char,” Nick reassured him with a whisper, but did not continue taking the shirt off. He was waiting for permission, Charlie realised. He was too good to him.  
Charlie took a deep breath and nodded, straightening his arms down slightly behind him to make it easier for Nick to get the shirt off. Nick kissed him on the neck slowly as he gently pushed the shirt sleeves off, using his hands to caress Charlie all the way down at the same time.  
He threw the shirt to the dark void of the floor, and now there was only one clothing item that remained between them.  
They continued kissing, palms running over each other with a new fervour, fingers tugging at curls and hands squeezing biceps.  
“Let’s do it,” Charlie managed to say in a breathless whisper as their lips broke apart in an effort to catch their breaths. He had one arm around Nick’s shoulders crossing his back, the other hand firmly against his cheek, body pressed up against him so close their noses were side by side.  
“You sure?” Nick asked, showing his gentlemanly side again. Charlie knew the continual asking for consent was Nick’s way of expressing his own anxiousness as well as excitement, wanting to make sure Charlie was sharing in it.  
Charlie nodded fervently as he let go of Nick, leaning backwards until he hit the mattress underneath. His legs, still on either side of Nick, wrapped around him and pulled him in after, urging a giggle from him.  
There was more urgency to their movements now, neither having time to play games anymore. They moved around until Charlie’s head was back on the pillows, and Nick promptly removed Charlie’s underwear in an efficient manner. Charlie couldn’t be bothered to analyse how he felt about being completely naked sprawled out in front of someone for the first time, lost in the moment of nervous butterflies and anticipation.  
Nick gave Charlie a quick look over before leaning down again, gently cupping Charlie’s parts in the process and giving a tentative squeeze that sent electricity shooting up his spine. Charlie gasped quietly into Nick’s mouth hovering just above his own.  
“You are so fantastic,” Nick whispered to him, replacing his hand between his legs with a thigh and pressing it against him. “And gorgeous.”  
“I’m naked and sweaty,” Charlie corrected him.  
“that too,” Nick grinned, smashing their lips together.  
Before getting consumed with each other’s mouths again, Charlie broke off: “You should probably get started…”  
Nick slowed down his movements, licked his lips and frowned slightly, looking perplexed.  
“You know, getting me ready,” Charlie clarified with a rush of heat colouring his cheeks redder than they already were.  
“Oh, yeah,” Nick trailed off, biting his lip for a second.  
“You know what to do, right?” Charlie asked, bucking his hips up into him, half tease, half encouragement.  
“Yeah, I mean, I did some research,” he laughed coyly, a little tense, “so, theoretically, yes.”  
Charlie tittered and stroked his cheek, wishing he could convey every form of affection he felt for him in the one gesture.  
Nick leaned across Charlie, reaching for his nightstand. He opened the drawer and pulled out a small bottle. He brought it to himself, fumbling slightly, then uncapped it and squirted a gel-like liquid onto his middle finger. Charlie felt the chains and wires in his stomach again, making him tremor slightly with both nerves and anticipation.  
“You need to tell me if I hurt you at all,” Nick said more serious than he had been until now, holding steady eye contact with him. “Do you promise you will?”  
“Yes.”  
Nick brought his hand down slowly between Charlie’s legs, so slowly Charlie could nearly not bear it, and carefully felt his way with his dry fingers. Charlie scooted slightly down and drew his knees up more towards himself. He bit down hard on his lower lip and stared up at the ceiling, his hands locking with each other over his midsection as he didn’t know what to do with them. He inhaled sharply at the cold sensation as Nick found the spot and let the lubed up finger press gently against it, soft and firm at the same time.  
“You okay?” Nick asked.  
Charlie nodded, eyes fixed on the ceiling above him and still biting his lip. “Are you?”  
“Yeah,” he smiled, leaning down to plant a kiss on Charlie’s cheek.  
Nick moved his finger around in a small circle gently, before slowly pressing it inside.  
Charlie’s eyes went wide and darted immediately to Nick’s as he began breathing heavily at the sensation and wrapped his fingers around the bicep of Nick’s free arm which was planted on the mattress by the side of his waist, and squeezed hard.  
Nick stopped and looked Charlie in the eyes, searching him for signs for whether he should stop or continue. Charlie squeezed his eyes shut and let out a shaky breath as he nodded and stroked his upper arm, hoping that was enough encouragement.  
Nick understood the body language and continued to press his finger deeper, before sliding it out again slowly, which made Charlie gasp loudly, then repeating the motion.  
Nick continued, going a little faster and a little deeper each time, and Charlie couldn’t keep the moans from escaping his lips. He brought his arms up to grasp at Nick’s shoulders and neck, trying to steady himself. When Charlie opened his eyes, he saw Nick’s looking down right at him, watching his face as it twisted in reaction to what Nick was doing to him. He felt himself blush at the attention, resuming his self-conscious nature. He decided to close his eyes again and pretend like he didn’t know he was being watched, letting himself indulge in the new sensations.  
Charlie moaned as Nick pulled his finger out again, but instead of feeling it push back in immediately, it was abruptly gone. He opened his eyes searchingly, and saw Nick squeezing out the content of the little bottle again, onto his index finger this time.  
Charlie bit his lip, but more in keenness than anxiousness this time, and watched as Nick’s hand returned to between his legs. Nick pushed the first finger back in with ease and confidence, pulling it in and out and twisting it slightly a couple times, smirking at Charlie’s reaction.  
He gathered Charlie’s open mouth into a kiss. “Ready for more?”  
Charlie held his gaze and nodded, unable to speak.  
Then Nick pushed the second finger in alongside the first, slowly, and Charlie let out the loudest moan yet. He grabbed the back of Nick’s head and lowered it to him at the same time as he lifted his own to meet it and held them together, foreheads leaning against each other. He had his eyes screwed shut, taking a minute to just listen to Nick’s breathing, feeling it hot on his face. It was steady but sharp, matching the pace of his fingers moving back and forth. They were already gliding as easily as the first had spent twice as much time to do.  
“Another,” Charlie managed to say between short breaths, his eyes kept shut, powered by a sudden urgency. He wanted to be closer to Nick than ever, even closer than this.  
“You sure?” Nick asked hesitantly.  
“Yes, and move them about, stretch me,” he added, this sudden commanding energy taking himself by surprise. Nick too seemed surprised but also amused.  
Nick stopped for a few seconds, organising his fingers in some sort of formation before carefully pushing back in. The addition of the third finger was a much bigger difference than the addition of the second had been and Charlie gasped, gripping Nick’s hair in his fists. Nick took it slow and steady.  
“You know, not to ruin the mood or anything by being too serious, but I just want to say it’s really nice seeing you like this,” Nick leaned in and whispered into his ear in a hushed voice, “I mean, making you feel good. You haven’t let me before,” he added, and sucked lightly on the side of his neck.  
“Sorry-” is all Charlie could say before he abruptly brought his hand to his mouth to bite down on the knuckle of his index finger as Nick hit a spot inside him that sent a shock through his body, making him exhale in a sharp moan and arch his back at the same time.  
“Don’t say sorry, sweetheart,” Nick sighed into his neck and gave a long, sucking kiss that would definitely leave a mark, but Charlie could not find the will in him to care.  
“Sweetheart,” he mumbled back, arms roaming over the back of Nick’s head, neck and shoulders, touching and pulling and revelling in every sensation he was getting.

For a while their bodies just moved with each other, becoming more and more lax yet ardent. Charlie placed a hand on Nick’s chest and pushed him away gently to get him to lift his head from the crook of his neck where he had been leaving marks and raising Charlie’s pulse.  
“I’m ready,” he said earnestly, a craving in his voice as he held his gaze, “if you are.”  
Nick’s eyes flashed with nervous trepidation before turning calm again. He smiled tentatively and pushed a curly lock behind Charlie’s ear with his hand, then lifted himself up and removed the other from between Charlie’s legs and leaned off the edge of the bed grabbing at the dark of the floor. He pulled up a piece of clothing and wiped the lube off his hand.  
“I hope that wasn’t mine, I have to wear that for my walk of shame tomorrow, you know,” Charlie said jokingly as he sat himself up, realising he’d forgotten to bring a change of clothes in his nervous haze earlier that day.  
Nick looked at the cloth in his hand, pattern looking suspiciously familiar to Charlie.  
“I’ll let you take a hoodie,” Nick offered with a sheepish grin instead of outright admitting to his mistake, and Charlie had to laugh. Nick threw the shirt back to the floor before positioning himself to sit opposite Charlie, his legs to the side, one shin dangling off the edge of the bed as the other folded beneath him.  
Charlie had brought his knees up in front of him again, and Nick unwrapped the arms wound tightly around them and brought them up to wrap around his neck instead. When Charlie locked his hands together behind Nick’s neck, Nick let go and brought one hand back down to cup Charlie’s chin and pull him in, kissing him with firm, slow movements powered by desire and adoration.  
Charlie was shaking as if he was cold although he didn’t feel cold, he only felt bruising lips against his, Nick’s hand moving from his chin up into his hair, and the other purposefully pressing down between his knees and thighs, gently prying them apart, wanting to return to his position between them. Charlie gave in to it, letting each knee fall to the side as Nick moved in and over him, making Charlie lay back down.  
“Let me just grab the…” Nick trailed off as their kiss broke off and reached for his bedside drawer again.  
Charlie jutted his arm out and stopped him, lacing his fingers with his, “do you mind if we don’t use one?” he asked, trembling slightly, “We don’t really need to – we’re both obviously clean, and there’s no other risks as I can’t get pregnant,” he clarified, face as red as ever.  
“I just…” He continued and took a deep breath, “I want us to be as close as possible, nothing between us. And I don’t see a reason why we can’t.”  
Nick chuckled and pulled his hand back, “you make a compelling argument, Mr. Spring,” he teased.  
Charlie hit him playfully in the chest at that, letting his hand linger there to stroke through the blonde tuft once more.  
Nick found the small bottle again, sat up and bashfully squeezed more liquid out to promptly wrap around himself and give it a couple passes. He threw the bottle to the floor and wiped his hand on the bedsheets with an awkward lopsided smile, slightly guilty for making a mess. He leaned back down and gave Charlie a dawdling peck on the lips, delicately sharing the sweet, warm taste of his mouth.  
“Ready?” Nick asked him in a quiet voice, his brows furrowed slightly and his eyes soft as he looked into Charlie’s.  
“Ready,” Charlie answered, taking a deep breath once more.  
Nick stirred and Charlie dug his fingernails into his palms, holding his hands in tight fists on top of his ribcage. It was happening, and the thoughts, uncertainties, and insecurities around sex and his self-image came rushing in. His worst-case-scenario doomsday-type thought processes that had let him be for the most part that day returned in full force as he laid there in anxiousness and anticipation, wondering what it would be like, wondering if he would like it, and worrying about what Nick would think of it. He felt his heart pound and his breath becoming laboured, but before he could let it fester, he felt warm hands covering his fists, pulling him back down to earth.  
“Hey, we don’t have to continue.” Nick told him, nothing but tender concern and care in his voice. There was no disappointment nor anger at the thought of stopping there.  
“No, I want to. Sorry, I don’t know why I’m being like this,” Charlie tried to explain and unclenched his hands, sitting himself up, Nick following his motion. Stopping now was the last thing Charlie wanted, he just couldn’t help his way of thinking, the thoughts slipping in every crack when he wasn’t distracted by something else. “You know how I am. Please don’t stop,” is all he could say, trying to convey how much he meant it through his eyes.  
Nick considered him for a moment, then leaned in and embraced him. The hug was normal, reassuring and familiar, like the ones he always gave Charlie. Nakedness, situation and nerves were set aside, forgotten in that moment. All there was were the two of them, together and there for one another. Charlie accepted the embrace contentedly, inhaling his scent and hugging him back with hopefully the same warmth he was given.  
“Okay, love.” Nick said.  
They leaned back down together before Nick let go and lifted himself up slightly. Still hovering above Charlie Nick positioned his body, reaching down to guide himself and taking a deep breath before lining himself up, letting the tip press gently against where his fingers had been. Charlie grabbed the broad shoulders above him.  
With another big breath Nick pushed slowly inside him, and Charlie gasped. He looked into Nick’s face seeking eye contact. Nick lifted his gaze to meet Charlie’s as he pushed in further, prompting a whimper from him. Charlie was suddenly acutely aware of what he must look like to Nick right now: damp curls falling over his perspiring forehead, open-mouthed and whimpering, with half-closed eyelids looking up at him with an expression of pleasure, pain and probably something like desperate desire.  
Nick’s eyes had gone wide, uttering a breathy “wow,” to himself as he stared down at him. Charlie had nearly forgotten that this was Nick’s first time too, that he was probably facing the same amount of new experiences and sensations, uncertainty, awkwardness and excitement as himself. The thought made him smile, feeling nothing but love and tender affection as he observed his boyfriend’s expression.  
His attention was swiftly averted however as he was brought back to the very physical reality when Nick pulled out and pushed in again deeper, both of them letting out a loud moan at the same time. Nick leaned his forehead to Charlie’s lips, taking a moment to close his eyes and breathe and letting out an airy chuckle. Charlie kissed the skin resting against his lips.  
Nick lifted himself up again giving another slow thrust as he began roaming his hands over Charlie’s skin, following the line down his sides and along his thighs, curling his fingers underneath just as he reached his knees and hitched them up to his waist, Charlie getting the hint and wrapping his legs around Nick’s body again.  
Their breathing became heavy and rapid as their bodies started moving in unity, Nick picking up the pace slightly while still keeping the strokes gentle and relaxed as he got used to the action, Charlie now using the leverage of his legs around Nick’s waist to pull himself into each thrust.  
Charlie realised this position changed something as the next thrust sent a sudden shock through his body, making him gasp and let out a cry. Nick had hit the spot he hit earlier with his fingers, but this time the sensation was doubled. It felt both painful and good at the same time, overwhelmingly so. It was almost too much to handle.  
Nick repeated the motion and hit the spot again. Charlie let out another cry of pleasure and grappled at Nick’s shoulders, pulling him against his body. Nick shimmied his arms up underneath Charlie’s shoulders to hold around him and hid his face in the crook of his neck, breathing hot air there as he continued thrusting his hips into Charlie.  
He couldn’t believe how it felt, how close he was to Nick and Nick to him. He closed his eyes as he craned his neck, arching his back at each shockwave coming up his spine in sync with Nick’s movements. He let his hands feel up and down Nick’s back, grabbing and pulling and revelling in every curve, angle, bump and dip he felt. His fingers stroked through the softest little hairs at the nape of Nick’s neck. Nick's eyes were closed and his head lulled into Charlie's touch, still keeping an even pace. Charlie stretched his neck so he could look at him and saw undeniable pleasure on his face and felt overwhelmed by the sublimity of the moment, of the experience he and Nick were sharing with each other, and by the sheer cosmic love he felt for the boy in his arms. Charlie burrowed his face between Nick's neck and shoulder and breathed him in, taking in the familiar scent of him which had grown in intensity within the room.  
Suddenly Charlie heard a sob, followed instantly by Nick lifting his head up and looking at him with distress and concern apparent on his face as he searched Charlie’s face. Another sob sounded, and Charlie realised they were coming from him.  
“What’s wrong?” Nick asked, wiping away tears from Charlie’s cheek Charlie hadn’t known were there. He had stopped moving, frozen in place still inside.  
“Nothing, nothing,” Charlie tried to convince him, but the words came out as another sob.  
“Am I hurting you?” He was worried, trying to analyse the situation and figure out the source of Charlie’s crying.  
“No, I’m just… this is so… It’s just really emotional,” he tried to explain through sobs and sniffles as Nick continued to wipe away the tears that bubbled up and congregated at the corners of his eyes before trickling down his cheeks.  
“Why?” Nick laughed softly and affectionately, stroking Charlie’s cheekbones with his thumbs.  
“Because I love you so much,” Charlie stuttered, “and this feels so good, and right,” he continued and broke into a mix of uncontrollable sobs and laughter at how nonsensical he was being, covering his face with his hands as he let himself just cry it out for a few seconds before focusing on reeling himself in again.  
“Darling,” Nick said with a kind chuckle, prying Charlie’s hands off his face again to kiss him. “My darling, darling, sweetheart Char,” he continued and pressed kisses to Charlie’s cheeks, eyelids and nose as well, “You’re ridiculous, you know that? But that’s what I love about you.”  
“That’s it? That’s all it took for me to win you over, being crazy?” Charlie joked between blubs.  
“Well, maybe some other things, too,” he smirked, and kissed him deeply. Charlie took him in, tongues dancing back and forth once more. As Charlie loosened up and calmed back down, only the odd sob escaping his lips still, Nick rolled his hips gently to remind him of the position they were in, a wordless question.  
“Please, keep going,” Charlie pleaded and wiped the wetness from his temple with the back of his hand.  
“You’re still crying, love.” Nick furrowed his brows.  
“Ignore it, I’m fine, I promise,” Charlie waved his hand dismissively and smiled a wobbly smile at him. “I’ve broken the seal and can’t stop it, but I’m good,” he reassured.  
Nick laughed at him and gave him another kiss, letting him sob into him as he tentatively began to move his hips again. Charlie used the muscles in his legs to pull into it.  
Their bodies moved in synchronisation, hands feeling each other up, eyes locking with each other, mouths crashing messily together and coming apart to breathe hot air on the other’s skin at even intervals. Charlie’s sobs subsided as the sensation of pleasure took over his headspace, though tears kept lurching out of his eyes. Nick’s movements increased in speed, becoming quick and juddering, and Charlie became more and more pliant and softer in his arms with each shockwave that came every time Nick hit that sensitive bundle of nerves inside. The room was filling with the sound of skin against skin and their loud, breathless moans. Charlie could feel himself getting close, and let his hand wander down to brush over his own member that was throbbing from neglect. He shivered at how sensitive it was.  
Nick exhaled sharply through his nose and slowed down his thrusts till they became languid strokes, fighting urges to bring the speed back up. The change of pace made Charlie feel even more on the edge, recognising a tightening in his core.  
“I’m close,” Nick moaned into his mouth.  
Charlie couldn’t help but give Nick’s lower lip a quick bite and pull before responding “Me too,” with a shaky gasp. “Please, Nick, touch me” he added, too blissed out to be self-conscious about anything, not his body hang ups nor how desperate he sounded, and how completely fervent and amenable he was for his boyfriend.  
Nick obeyed, and wrapped one hand around Charlie, stroking up and down in sync with his thrusts that were picking up the pace again. Charlie started bucking his hips involuntarily and soon after threw his head back, choking out a moan as the all-encompassing sensation of his climax washed over him.  
“Oh, keep going, babe,” he urged on with a sob as he rode out his high, grasping for Nick’s hands, Nick’s arms, Nick’s chest, Nick’s face, anything Nick.  
It didn’t take long until Nick followed suit, a spasm in his abdomen making him keel over face first into Charlie’s chest with a cry as he rode his own high out with a few last jerks of his hips, trying to slow it down into longer, quivering strokes. Charlie’s trembling hands found his face and pulled it up to him, smashing their mouths together hungrily and inelegantly with lips, teeth, tongues, salty tears and all. Neither wanted to stop this marvellous moment, but their bodies were done, and Nick ended his last thrust with a shudder, letting the spasms subside before pulling himself out and collapsing on top of Charlie, head on his shoulder.  
Charlie let his fingers run through the blonde hair as he sobbed softly, contentedly, and kissed Nick on the side of his head wherever he could reach. Nick was breathing heavily. Charlie felt like his body was made of sap.  
Eventually Nick rolled off to the side, wiped away a tear on Charlie’s cheek with his thumb and pulled him into his embrace. They laid there blissfully without a word, just listening to each other’s heavy breathing and accelerated hearts slowing down.  
Charlie moved his hand languorously over Nick’s chest until he felt a stickiness, realising it was his own by-product that had shot onto his belly before getting smeared into them both when Nick had collapsed on top of him. “Oh god,” he grimaced, holding his hand out, “that’s grim.”  
Nick laughed softly as Charlie rummaged the floor for his shirt, bringing it up to wipe off both his own abdomen and Nick’s once he found it and chucking it back on the floor before resuming his position in Nick’s arms.  
“We’d better throw that in the washer, that’s one of my best shirts,” he said, leaning his head against Nick’s shoulder.  
“I’ll do it in a few,” he replied, kissing the top of Charlie’s head before rolling himself back on top of him and wriggling downwards until he laid on his front between Charlie’s legs and rested his head on his stomach, arms out over the sides at each of Charlie’s hips in a relaxed position, bent at the elbow with hands coming back to rest on top of Charlie’s belly too, under his head. “I just want to stay here for a bit.” He continued and closed his eyes. Charlie’s smiled down at the peaceful sight and started slowly caressing all of him he could reach, letting fingers slip through hair and scratch warm skin, moving in circles.

Once their blissed-out state waned off and they were brought back to reality, Charlie pulled Nick’s hoodie over him and made his way to the bathroom with an awkward shuffle as he swiftly felt the need to clean up. When he returned Nick had already gotten himself dressed again in the same getup he was wearing before, Charlie’s shirt out of sight already in the washer. Charlie pulled on his underwear, socks and trousers, keeping the hoodie on, and they made their way to the kitchen.  
Nick made them a sandwich and split it, one half for each, and they sat at the kitchen table joking around, playfully bumping each other’s shoulders or smacking upper arms and thighs in an exaggerated but light-hearted nature. They were back to normal, but there was a slight difference in how they were with each other now; there was a new sort of intimacy between them, Charlie noticed, manifesting in a more natural flow between their bodies in how they touched; how they leaned into each other, let hands linger on waists and shoulders as they moved around each other. It was as if they were no longer two beings moving about in the same space, but rather orbiting each other, the space made irrelevant for their proximity.  
The clock on the wall ticked half past ten, and they found themselves in the same place as before they went for their walk: Nick sitting on the bench by the table sipping from the cup of tea in his hands, and Charlie beside him, this time laying across the bench the other way around with his feet up against the wall and his head in Nick’s lap, his right hand up besides his face, caressing Nick’s thigh lazily, staring up into thin air in thought.  
“Can’t wait till you go to uni,” he said, breaking the comfortable silence, observing the muscles and tendons of Nick’s arm moving under the skin above him every time he picked up his cup of tea or lifted his phone.  
“Why?” Nick asked in surprise, looking down at the face is his lap surrounded by a halo of dark curls. Up until now Charlie had only ever expressed gloom when it came to the fact that Nick was a year above him, already ending his first year of sixth form.  
“Because I can come visit and we can do it whenever we want to,” Charlie explained, lifting his hand to wrap around Nick’s elbow and slide up under the sleeve of his t-shirt, unable to resist giving his bicep a squeeze.  
Nick laughed, “look at you, looking at the bright side of things!”  
“I know right,” Charlie entertained him, “I’m a changed man.”  
Nick put down his cup and let his right hand drop to his lap to play with the head of curls laying there, leaning his other arm on the edge of the bench by Charlie’s armpit, gazing down at him with warm eyes and a soft smile on his lips.  
Charlie yawned.  
Nick chuckled, “Shall we go to bed and watch a movie?” he suggested, watching Charlie’s eyes slip shut as he indulged in the sensation of Nick’s fingers combing through his hair, something he usually told him off for as it messed up his curls. Their structural integrity was already long gone for today, so he could do it as much as he wanted.  
“Can I choose the movie?”  
“You’re not allowed to sleep through it if you choose it.” Nick challenged, looking down at him with one eyebrow raised.  
“Fine, you choose.” Charlie gave in. Nick smirked, lifted Charlie’s head off his lap, got up, and pulled Charlie to his feet, meeting him with a quick kiss before taking his hand and leading the way.

_

“Mum, dad, I’m home.” Charlie yelled into the house as he entered his front door the next morning, a damp, crumpled up shirt in his hand. He had stayed at Nick’s for breakfast but didn’t want to push his luck by letting his parents get to a point of agitation by his prolonged absence, knowing they were going visiting his grandparents later.  
“Hi, sweet,” his mum’s voice yelled back from the kitchen, the scent of eggs, bacon and baked beans seeping through the archway.  
“Don’t make none for me, I already ate at Nick’s,” he informed her as he kicked off his shoes and made his way up the stairs.  
“Alright,” his mum replied, voice sounding slightly tentative. Charlie ignored it.  
On the landing he all but crashed into Tori as she emerged from the shadows, heading for the stairs.  
“Hi, Tori,” Charlie greeted trying to walk past her, but she stepped in the way of him, holding him back and regarding him up and down with a raised brow.  
“What?” he asked, getting slightly agitated and uncomfortable under her inquisitive stare.  
“You had sex.” She stated matter-of-factly, looking him straight in the eyes.  
He felt the heat rise in his cheeks, colouring them bright red, “what!?” he said again, unable to find something cleverer to say.  
That was all the confirmation she needed. “I knew there was something up with you yesterday,” she said casually.  
There was no point in lying, Charlie accepted defeat. “Shh!” he hushed her, looking around to make sure no one had overheard her, “How do you know?”  
“I can nearly always tell what’s going on with you,” she waved her hand dismissively, “besides, your hair's a mess and those hickeys you’ve got there are a massive tell.” she added and continued on her way down the stairs, leaving him on the landing with his cheeks burning red.  
“Goddamn sisters, I swear to god,” he muttered to himself as he made his way to his room, clutching the side of his neck to cover the marks, with a slight smirk on his lips.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave feedback or kudos if you'd like, would love to know what you think! Hope you enjoyed it :)


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